Perks to this job

• Packing my turtle pack with the Rebel for a weekend in the mountains
• Helping my professor see both hindsight and his current view on faith and choosing God's way
• Studying scripture (holla!)
• Lounging in pj's at 6 pm because I'm working at home the rest of the night

On a different note: Orson. Scott. Card. I am this close to buying the entire Shadow Series on Amazon. With each book costing $0.03 with $3.99 shipping that's just like $12 total right?

Where I'm From

Draft 1. An identity exercise.


I am from cups of hot Milo
From Mervyn's turtlenecks and Chinese School homework
I am from a four-bedroom, one-story home of six people
expressive, talkative, with voices that interrupt
and hands that tell stories

I am from the red hibiscus of Malaysia
and the pink rosebush that always grows
too big in the front lawn

I'm from Sabbath ice cream
and from giving and serving endlessly
from Albert to Alan and the A's in between

I'm from singing out loud and imitating people in stories
from talking in movies to walking into rooms unannounced
from washing dishes at someone's house
to the pride of my parents when adults
praised their children

I'm from the Chinese Seventh-Day Adventists
close knit, conservative, familial
to the non-denominational charismatics
who dance and shout and value passion

I'm from the Chinese in Malaysia
Char keuy teow, laksa, and mangosteen
From the mother with three children--ages 2, 3, and 7--on an international flight
the father of character sketches, morals of stories, and life lessons

From the forgotten photo albums in the hall closet
Grandma's fan in mom's top drawer
Dad's engineering books in the garage

I am from the third child of four of
parents who left their religion
and their home country
The brother who is almost a twin
The older sister I never understood
The younger brother I adore

I am the streak of responsibility and independence
That will never really leave home

PD

Back to fundraising
and crunching numbers
trying to increase percentage raise
decrease percentage needed
twisting numbers and formulas to
motivate myself.

Wondering who I can talk to next
Who is left that will say yes?
One part in my life that is not
Glowing with Optimism

Instead I have forgotten that God
Has opened doors in the past
Is asking his people to give
Lights my path
Funds his ministry
Has called me here.

And if I get a "no"
Then they may be following God in other places
Or their disobedience is between Lord Almighty and them
Not me
Not personally
Not my identity

Okay Jesus. Let's go.

#ethnicidentity

Signing all e-mails to my parents with, "Audrey/Xiao-shi"

My Name

English 1A, 2002

My name is the blue of the ocean, which is more and more beautiful as you go deeper. Unfathomable. My name has as many layers as an onion—peeling off one will only lead to another. One must take eternity to explore the crevices. And yet I am still accepted, despite that I, like the universe, will never be fully known.

In a snap, my name changes to happiness. Like the shard of sea glass you pick out among the grains of sand, it stands out. My name is different, rare as the certain jellybean that is scarce in the jar. Audrey. Like the feel of soft dough in your hand. Comfortable. Warm, even accepting. Like the smell of cookies in the oven.

In the name books, my name means “noble strength.” I know nothing about my nobility, but my strength is drawn from my friends. I am dependent, guided by many friends and mentors along the road of life.

My name matches that of Audrey Hepburn. Unlike her, I am neither sophisticated nor poised. But like her character in “My Fair Lady”, I am being trained and polished for the life that I am meant to live.

I will not change my name. My name is representative. It is the rainbow holding the beauty of diversity from friendships and lessons blended into one. Someday I will live up to my name. As for now, I guess I’m working toward it. I have yet to become a 100% Audrey.  

Jipped

Dear McD's drive-thru employee,

I was pretty sure I paid you with a twenty, I doubted you when you said I gave you a five. But you were nice and pulled over your manager and opened the drawer. I have no idea what you told him but when you opened the window again, you were still sure. So I let it go...

And now that I'm checking my budget spreadsheet, I am most definitely $15 short, and it's one of those regrets where you're telling yourself, Should have trusted my instincts! but you weren't trying to be dishonest. It just means that I'm short. I guess my only hope is that if you closed the drawer at the end of the day and found out you had too much money, you remembered me and felt bad for it.

Sigh. Sad face. =(

Growing Up

I wonder when I'll stop being amazed at the responsibilities and complications that just come with life. Just a few years ago, I freaked out about FAFSA once a year and student loans and tuition payments twice a year. Then I moved off campus and started paying rent and utilities. Somewhere along the way I learned I should get my oil changed regularly (my parents do a horrible job at this and I never realized it was important). Then I started paying back my loans. In between there are scattered other things, like a cell phone bill (though I pay through my sister) and bigger car repairs.

In 10 years, I will probably look back on these years and laugh, when the juggling act includes mortgages, health insurance, kids, and God knows what else. For now, my brain is concerned enough with the expenses I can list on my ten fingers (maybe. I haven't actually tried.) and I feel like I'm becoming such a grown up.

Thankfully, my parents took care of my car insurance and AAA membership for another year (or half of it at least...), so that's off the radar till next September. However, recent conversations have brought up the fact that I should probably have a credit card by now, and could have done pretty well building up a credit history during my college years (snap dangit).

Now my brain is a mess of where do I start? My bank? Capital One? How much research do I need to do before I choose one and apply? This could be a far bigger deal than my brain can grasp right now: I want to tell myself it's not a big deal, but it could very well become one (maybe) and definitely could make financial things in the future a lot smoother or not so great.

Also, car maintenance stresses me out. There's the initial distrust that the mechanic might not be telling you the truth with what your car actually needs, but there's the What-if-he's-right!-and-my-car-will-die-on-the-road! Then there's the glance at your bank account and wondering how much you can really afford right now. And what is a good price anyway? I wish we could just trust everything everyone said!


AHHH

Anyway, I'm in family-home for the first time in two months and the last time until Thanksgiving. It's good times. Anthony has midterms soon so we're going to crash a coffeeshop (it's the cool thing to do these days) to get some work done. I guess that means I can't put off my other stuff.

Fund development Case presentation Follow up E-mails Trilogy planning Who am I talking to on campus? What's on my schedule for the next month? It feels like October is going to pass by very quickly I guess so has the past two months Small group prep What is J.team doing? Friends to k.i.t. with Another wedding on the calendar! Credit card? Celebrating life Contemplating simplicity So many books to read Where are my Orson Scott Card books?

Good afternoon, October!

NSO is come and gone...and so is my excuse for not blogging!!! Kinda sad I didn't write anything about this craziness of a month, but oh well. Here comes October!

Yesterday the alumni career symposium event I co-organized took off smoothly. I need to plan more events like this: where everything is delegated and I can just watch take pictures. And I should find my way into being a profession event planner. I am only half kidding.

Next up: inviting students to Trilogy (I really need to get on this), hosting SOP Day, going home for the first time since early August, planning ROC (wait, what?), training for a second half marathon in six weeks, making sure J.Team takes off, another weekend of Intern Training...with some meetings and hopefully a hot date night peppered in between.


On a closing note, this is my new favorite song.



The heart knows where it belongs, & mine's only home whne it is safe inside your arms