Stuff I Like

I'm sitting here happily at Empresso Coffeehouse with a Chai Latte Frappe excited about IV ministry next year and kinda in awe at how crazy my life will be in four months.  Actually, who am I kidding?  My life is pretty crazy now.  Two jobs, dancing, training for a half marathon, ministry, friends, and a bf are some of the things I am juggling around as is!

But I think I'm at a place in life that I just, well, love.  As hectic as it is, as many unknowns as there are, and so many things that aren't set in stone...I am excited.

I am also pretty happy right now.  If you don't know me, this is not really a big deal.  Finding things I really like are also not a really big deal.  But once I like them, it usually means I really like them.  And on this chill, catch-up-with-life-in-a-coffeeshop afternoon, I decided to write a list of things I like.

• Empresso Coffeehouse.  Given, my favorite seat with the high table in the corner was taken when I talked in, but I love this place.  However, I'm not sure how I feel about a Chai Latte Frappe.  I think I'll stick to the hot version when it's cold and iced tea when it's hot.
• Blogger/blogspot.  I was about to start this blog on wordpress until I found out Blogger allows custom pages on your site, and I was more than happy to run back to this page!!
• Line-less journals.  I had a few teammates on the Kolkata GUT 2010 who were heavy proponents of line-less journals.  During the trip, I volunteered with and eventually purchased a journal from Love Calcutta Arts that, you guessed it, had no lines. And I loveeee it.  I can write in any. direction. I. want!  And vary my margins by page.  Wheeeeee.

Happy Wednesday!

Ten on Tuesdays

1.  I bought three little bunches of silk freesia's for $1 at Michael's.  Doesn't satisfy my love for real flowers, but now there's a little burst of yellow and white in our living room.  Hooray!
2.  Last week we had a beekeeper come and remove a hive-in-process at the corner of our house.  Now, this guy wasn't very professional and is a self-taught beekeeper (not an exterminator), but this came with two pros.  First, he was a lot cheaper.  Second, he persuaded us to eat the natural honey and chew on the soft honeycomb.  Tastes like honey from a bottle, so I'm glad that's straight :)  A con is that he was very insistent on us taking a close look at the bees...
3.  I started reading "Getting Sent" (IVP) about conviction in mission and raising support based on relationships, true investment, and excitement about your ministry.  Good read.
4.  Mary and I made dal last week.  It was delicious.
5.  Speaking of dal often reminds me of India-related memories: I've been having this overload of Kolkata flashbacks.  The warm weather led me to bust out my sandals and cargo pants, which was my outfit all during debrief and orientation...
6.  Tomorrow afternoon I am crashing Empresso Coffeehouse to write a long email to Catherine and process and journal about IV staff and recent happenings.  I love coffeeshop days!
7.  I am getting really excited about IV staff next year.
8.  The roommate Lauren excitedly bought Lord of the Rings:  The Fellowship of the Ring for $12 at a local music shop.  It is now playing.  I loveeeeeeeeee this trilogy!!
9.  I haven't finished reading it though.  I'm about 2/3s through the first book!
10.  Aragorn is my favorite LOTR character.

Oh man, my lists are so random.  Well...Happy Tuesday!

StockDip 2011

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for walking with me today.

But I feel guilty.  Jesus, I am not competitive.  I didn't want to win, didn't ask to be on top.  But once you're there, what can you do?

I feel frustrated by those who think they would have done otherwise.  Redistributed wealth, set the lower class free.  But it was so hard.  You would have done the same.  Trust me, you would have.  Because I did.

 I feel dirty.  I feel like I betrayed them, hurt Natalie.  I know I said things to put them down, know I was relieved to have Steve move down.  I didn't want to be that far ahead, but we made it happen.  To secure my safety.

Maybe I feel guilty because I know I am.  All my excuses these years:  I have come to be a student, after all.  That comes first: securing my future.

I am angry because I feel like I am the only one feeling.  Why does no one echo my outburst?  Aren't we all so equally corrupt, so disgustingly selfish?

More excuses:  I didn't ask to be smart.  I'm not that rich.  My jealousy at everyone who does not understand what it is like to find your own money for college.  The shadow of loan repayment looming.  Sure, I make a thousand a month.  But that's only enough to live on.

Jesus, peel away these excuses.  Deal with this guilt, but I know I need this tension.  It is like Peter all over again--I am just like him.

But I talk four years after this journey has begun and where am I?  I've created a budget only to count down to the next month so I can spend again.  I will talk to the needy who cross my path, but I do not search for them.  And I still walk Stockton nearly paralyzed with fear.  Afraid to be approached, called at, attacked.  Wary of any dark figures, always remembering that anything can happen.

And perhaps that is my real guilt, my real shame.  That after 4.5 years, I say I have come to love the place, call it home.  Yet I fear, Jesus.  I remember the terrifying moments of darkness, I cannot trust the strangers on the street.

But Jesus you are doing something.  Your people, talking and serving in real life, fear nothing.  Bob (Peniel) says with confidence that you are changing the footprint of the city.  There are people seeking shalom.  There are churches working together.

Do you call me faithful?  Are you still pleased?  Is my heart actually soft?  For surely it is not guilt you want me to dwell in.  Conviction, perhaps.  Because, well, I have grown.  And this is a journey, after all.

SIGH, Jesus.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not going anywhere.
But thank you for being with me.  Like you always are, right Jesus?
I love you.

Audrey
_________________________________

Sixteen staff and students from Pacific Christian Fellowship participated in StockDip this past weekend.  With the intent of getting a small "dip" into the reality of urban poverty as well as a glimpse of God's heart for the oppressed, we studied scripture, participated in simulations, went on a city walk, and heard testimonies as well as lived and ate with the residents of the Gospel Center Rescue Mission.

Ten on Tuesday

1. I guess starting Ten on Tuesday was a good idea because that guarantees at least one post a week! Woot.
2. I did my first run with Darrell yesterday, 2.9 miles. Gotta start training for that half-marathon!
3. After a year, I finally went to my first jazz dance class! It feels so good...and I intend to keep it up :)
4. I never separated my colors and whites when doing laundry, unless something was really white or there was a new clothing item that leaked color. Hence, I still don't have the habit now...
5. First day of babysitting today. Poor 6-month-old is not used to being away from dad and cried at least 2/3 of the times I was there. Fortunately, she was not crying when her dad came back home!
6. I am really sleepy.
7. Opening Day is this Thursday! This year marks the first year I am starting out as a San Francisco Giants fan. That's more because of the 2+ years of dating Darrell than the fact that they won the World Series...but that's pretty dang awesome too.
8. Allergies appear to be kicking in again. Shucks.
10. Is ten a lot? Maybe I should cut it to Five on Tuesdays, but it doesn't have the same ring. Or I could just scratch it to Five on Fridays I guess.

Ten on Tuesday

Once upon a time I was blog-surfing and saw someone write a "Ten on Tuesday" post. I don't know who started it, but I do remember thinking, "What a great idea!" Unfortunately, I had no active blog at that time, so I had no reason to write a Ten on Tuesday post. But now I do, and I'm looking for ways to get myself writing again (I like to think that years down the road, I'll read this and think I'm so glad I wrote that down! That, or I'll be horribly embarrassed, much like my reaction from reading my high school blogs. Ugh. End really long parenthetical statement now.).

So here goes my first edition of Ten random things in Audrey's life on a Tuesday:

1. I woke up kinda sick this morning and almost didn't go to work, but I did anyway. I may take a long, long nap this afternoon. This is a bad week to get sick because I'm hanging out with like five different people and I want to see them all!
2. I spent my morning at work making a picture slideshow. Sometimes I chuckle when my tasks at work are related to what I enjoy doing in real life. It's fun.
3. Kelli is leaving tomorrow and that makes me sad. I feel like she should just stay here.
4. Kelli, Linda, Jane, and Shannon came over for dinner last night for a mini gals-from-GUT-who-are-in-Stocktown reunion. There were many, many laughs and I distinctly remember thinking, Life is good. Right now.
5. Speaking of good life, the sunny weather is making me miss Sunken Field Saturdays (not that we ever called it that) during Sophomore year. Probably some of the best days of my life...
6. The roommate Natalie is finally back in town--Hooray, hooray! We have much catching up to do.
7. I've been looking forward to going to jazz dance for two weeks but I skipped it to sleep.
8. I'm going to start babysitting. Hooray for increased income!
9. Lauren and I are talking about putting together emergency supplies for our house (Yes, in light of the recent Japan earthquake and tsunami). This is a hard conversation to have...because really, no one knows what will happen. And you can only prepare for so much. And if the house collapses and we can't get to our supplies anyway? And part of me is like, "Eep, I don't know if I can pull out the money to invest in that.", but no one wants to regret that later on.
10. On a lighter note, Darrell worked a half day today so I saw him for a couple hours in the middle of the afternoon. That was nice :)

Fancy looking emails.

I've been using Zenfolio for almost a year and a half now, and I love it! It's probably the best non-camera thing I've ever invested in for photography. However, in all my busyness I tend not to pay attention to all the options that are available (multiple pages, soundtracks, etc.). Today I just discovered something that is making me quite delighted: I can send fancy, pretty-looking emails from my account! I always thought sending a text file with the link seemed so...un-epic. Well, those days are over.



This may be perfect timing, since I may be about to do my first shoot for a non-friend of mine...

Happy Friday!

audrey

Transition

I'm in the middle of, well, seemingly everything and nothing right now. No longer a college student, not quite a staff worker. Working part time. Not a small group member, but not quite the leader either. Friends with old alumni and with juniors but no one quite my age. Paying for rent, about to start paying for cell, not yet paying for car and loans. But it's coming.