giant family tree

This weekend I found out that I have more relatives than I thought. I always knew there were two older male cousins and four older female cousins. These six are on the top of the cousin family tree, then there's a group of cousins within 3 years of my age, then there are the younger ones around Alan's age. Anyway, it turns out that there are actually four older male cousins, we just rarely see the third and fourth ones. And by "rarely" I mean, even more rarely than we see the others.

Apparently, my dad's youngest brother (xiao hsu) had a daughter five years ago. And all this time I thought his son was the only child...well, better to find out now than when they visit in four weeks!

foreign familiarity

This weekend I am spending time with my extended family for the first time in seven years, since our family trip to Malaysia in 2005. My dad's sister (Er gu--second aunt), her husband (Er gu zhang--second aunt's husband), their daughter-in-law/my cousin's wife (biao tsao) and their twin 8-year-olds are visiting America for the very first time. Sadly my cousin (Er biao gu--second big guy-cousin) had to go back to town to work after they spent time in LA, so we couldn't see him.

There have been classic Fight-for-the-Bill situations with an incredible amount of skill. Tonight, just after the food arrived, my mom brought her credit card to the cashier, only to find out that my biao tsao had already left cash there. When did that happen? She had also managed to pay for lunch, to our utter surprise. I wonder if my parents have grown rusty from the several years of arranging who is treating who because of what occasion.

My biao tsao is excited over the noodle soup, claiming that it is just like Malaysian kuey teow tung. The languages fly across the table as my mom tells them the restaurant workers are teowchew: Mandarin and teowchew and--whoops--a phrase in Malay. My sister and I laugh as we recount how Anthony and I count 1-6 in Cantonese, only to finish 7-10 in teowchew (classic story of my mixed-dialect family). Ergu zhang claim that Malaysians know the most languages: English, Malay, and multiple dialects of Chinese, and some even pick up a hint of an Indian language. I realize this is just part of the people I belong to and not just a random quality of my family.

Between the seven adults, we nearly finish the little glass jar of green chili at the dinner table. I find myself adding more than usual to my meal, as if seeing my er gu zhang eat a piece of chili with every bite has motivated me to increase my tolerance as well.

As I spend time with them, I remember that I love the Chinese language, complications and all. I find myself ashamed when I can't catch my tones correctly (then again, around Malaysian Chinese, Mandarin doesn't even compare). I love the random terms you can pair together to describe relations between relatives: aunt on dad's side, aunt-spouse, cousin-spouse, cousin-aunt (this is the term my er gu concluded with when trying to figure out what my cousin's kids should call me).

Obligatory tourist activities!

I also inwardly chuckle at the nuances of two different worlds.  Er gu zhang asked me today what the red meant on the crosswalk, and I had to explain that the red hand means don't walk, and the white figure means it's okay to go. Last night, he kept walking to my side of the car instead of the passenger side. Er gu puzzled at the size difference between a dime and a nickel. My cousin's kids sang along to Taio Cruz's Dyanmite in Just Dance 3, only the second half sounded like it had Chinese phrases thrown in.

Lastly I marvel that this is my dad's sister and his brother-in-law, and my dad has said at one point, it seemed like he didn't look like any of his siblings except my er gu. I can see that. I can also see a bit of myself or Alan in these young cousins. There's always the thought of, "Who would I have been if mom and dad didn't move?" but we will never, never know. But for this weekend, we're all catching hints of a Malaysian accent floating into our Chinese and English. And it feels good to know our family, even in this short period of time. Sometimes the isolation of our family feels so apparent with no extended family to speak to, celebrate with. With each new birth or wedding I find out via facebook, I am reminded that we are the cousins in America they rarely see. But this weekend, they are here. Hearing us speak English while eating a lot of Chinese food, looking at pictures of our younger years hanging on the wall, sitting in our cars and experiencing small hints of our lives.

What 13 hours can do

I have spent 16 hours of the past 24 hours asleep, which comes out to 2/3's of a day.

But at least my headache is mostly gone, my throat doesn't hurt, and my sniffles may just be attributed to allergies.

One of these days, when I'm not working a morning job, I need to do one of those sleep-as-long-as-you-can-for-a-whole-week exercises.

Now the question is: do I go back to sleep (which sounds quite lovely even though I just woke up two hours ago), or get some work done?

Where to next?

Usually I put my shoes away, or they end up scattered around the room (slippers by my bed, sneakers in the closet, running shoes actually in the shoe rack on the closet door like they belong). But these past two days have seen the accumulation of my footwear all in one spot. It’s like I can’t decide what I’m doing next: running for leisurely sake? lounging around at night in slippers? picking up messes around the house in flip flops? running a whole day of errands in hot summer heat? Leaving? Staying? Going deeper? Being rooted out?

On a different note, I called Adam-brother who has been handling my family’s Verizon accounts for what seems like the past decade or so. Turns out he can easily change my phone number if I go in. I guess after nearly seven years it’s time to move on from my Bay Area area code. And four years in the 916 is a rather long time. But I must say it’s rather overwhelming to think of all the accounts my phone number is linked to that I’m going to have to update. And when do I do it? ASAP? (Might as well, my impulsive impatient self says).

The reality and permanence of the next step is slowly starting to sink in. Jesus, show me how this is a promise land when it feels like an unknown wilderness.

Life is very short.

It's a strange, sobering thought to know that you took the photo used for your classmate's memorial service. Who knows when a picture is going to be the last memory?

Rhythms

Morning office routine
The click of the key in the lock
Quick pull of the blinds
Buzz of the computer
Beep of appointments
Chair wheels sliding back
Drawers sliding out

Clicking of heels on sidewalk
Always pressing the crosswalk three times
Side glances to the cars passing by

Depending on the day,
Quick meal before dashing upstairs with arms full
To pull open the laptop and sign on
To gmail and docs and facebook at once

Rhythms
Normal, weekly, expected, mundane
But you will miss the pleasantness
Of those five-minute car rides late on Wednesday night

A Feel-Good Vacation

I am shocked right now. Groupon is selling a volunteering vacation! I think part of me wishes that voluntourism just really didn't exist, that we would all see our selfish motives for flying overseas. But this brings it to a whole new level. A volunteering vacation--life changing, rewarding, exotic...

After taking a behind-the-scenes tour of the facilities and having conversations with development workers, you'll help serve a meal to hundreds of malnourished kids.

Finally, you’ll take a day trip to Hope Ministries' poultry farm, where you’ll witness the program's work to achieve financial independence with the help of thousands of cheeping chicks. In between excursions, there will be plenty of time to fly kites or swap stories with the program's kids.

Oh yes. Fly all the way to Zambia to serve food, look at chickens, fly kites, and talk with kids.

This deserves a longer post, and there are fifty other questions and topics it brings up. I am not the expert to write it. I consider my conversation on this topic relatively amateur, but there other great pieces out their on the cautions to take on short-term volunteer/mission trips, and if you're ready for it, the dangerous and negative impacts as well. But for now this Groupon Getaway deal will have to sti in my brain under the file of, "Horribly Wrong."