Wanted: Friends

Please, please don't let this be awkward. 

They tell you that, when you move, it takes time to make new friends. What they didn't tell me is that trying to do so makes you feel like a sixth-grader again. Awkward, kind-of desperate, wondering if you look too desperate. Trying to be yourself, but not entirely sure who that self is.

I met Julie from my women's ultimate league a couple months ago. A couple days, she sent a text inviting those who were in town for the long weekend to a pool party. I eagerly responded because I had just realized that I had nothing fun planned for the three-day weekend, then wondered if I was even a close-enough friend to accept the invitation. Would it be full of people I didn't know? Friends who knew each other more than I knew any of them? I had a back-up plan to bring an old classmate of mine with me, but she couldn't make it.

Today Julie sent out another message, saying that only two of us had responded but we were still welcome anyway. Uh, did I know the other person? Still, I had talked myself into going despite all my hesitations, and I was actually looking forward to getting out of the house.

Yet as I walked up the driveway with board games in my hand and a bag of Lays in my bag, all I could think was, "Please, please don't let this be awkward." I could think of several scenarios. Dead, awkward conversations. Wondering if Julie doubted her invitation when I was 50% of the guest list (I really don't know Julie well). Feeling pathetic that someone who loves people so much could find herself in such great need of just friends to be with on a three-day weekend. Wondering how long the party would last, and how long I would last until I made an excuse to leave.

I walked back down the driveway five hours, half a bottle of home-brewed beer, a game of Ticket to Ride, a walk around the block, a carpese salad, and many conversation topics later. The other mysterious guest turned out to be Kim, one of the ladies from my summer league team that just ended. We had enjoyed the last half of the season together, as well as a fun hour at the sports bar a couple weeks ago. Kim, Julie, and I: three girls who don't quite know each other, but I get the feeling that we all kinda need friends. Well, we know we all have friends: good ones out of town, old friends who've moved, others that we occasionally see...but maybe (wishfully?), we're all looking for people to get to know a little better and even more simply, just to hang out with.

Earlier in the evening, Julie mentioned that when she was inviting people over, she realized just how few people she was really friends with in the area. What I heard between the lines was: Maybe you guys can be some real friends.Whether this was her real meaning or not, who knows? All I know was we enjoyed ourselves, and we all hope to do it again.

And on making new friends in the post-college world, here are some thoughts I have:

• It takes time, but it also takes putting yourself out there: saying yes to invites, and potentially even inviting yourself sometimes. Kind of tiring, but I guess like everything worthwhile (and like all good friendships), it takes work.
• There are probably people looking for friends as well, just like you are (this is actually Kim's story of her first league team: new to the area, new to Ultimate, and looking for friends...and thus new friends were made)
• Expect awkwardness
• It's okay to be afraid and to feel like you're back on your first day of Kindergarten. Speaking of that, did you know I had two first days of Kindergarten? I went to one school, then three days later we transferred to another school--the only time I've ever been the new kid at school (I don't really think it counts). 
•  Admit to yourself that you need friends. It's a human thing and it doesn't mean you're desperate (because you do have other friends, just not here). And it doesn't mean you're hanging out with people just because you need friends, either.  

So here's to new friends,

The new girl in town