Addicted to the Internet: A Confession

Turning on my computer is one of the first things I do when I wake up. I check stuff--gmail, facebook, blogs, etc--first thing in the morning, even when I know I won't actually do anything (quick email replies, answer questions, read any articles in-depth) on that first round. I turn it on even when I know I'll be on my computer for a longer period of time later that day; e.g, going online before a morning run even if I'll look at the exact same stuff later that morning when I get to work.

I am full of excuses. I need the computer for work. I just want it for music. I'm looking up a recipe. I'm looking up directions. I'm a tech-innovation-ideas-sort-of-geek, always keeping up with the latest ideas or prototypes. I'm a thinker, collecting perspectives and facts and knowledge through endless blogs shared by colleagues I respect. I'm a learner, reading DIY posts or how-to's or why-not's to collect thoughts for a future project that hasn't been imagined yet. I'm a remember, looking up details and rereading words because I don't want to forget. I collect resources, looking up everything and anything and stumbling across many things that have eventually been useful later on.
Really, I do need the computer for a lot of things.

But really-really, most of the stuff I absorb is unnecessary. Filler. Like packaging peanuts, filling minutes and hours with endless articles, videos, photos, statuses. I absorb more content than will ever be useful.

I like to hide the fact that I'm horribly addicted. It helps that I have no smartphone so I can still make snarky remarks about people who are always updating their facebook or instagramming. Even on facebook alone: I don't update my status every day, I don't "like" every shared piece...but it's really a guise, hiding the fact that I scroll through my whole news feed, reading statuses of people I don't even really keep in contact with, skimming numerous articles and comments without ever responding. It helps that my internet time is spread on an array of interests: blogs, photographers, journalists, recipes, pinterest, DIY projects. Spread out so no one collects how much it really amounts to...except maybe those close to me, who hear enough "I read...I watched...Someone posted..." that they know I'm on way too much for my own good.

But I've wasted enough time. I don't want to be glued to my laptop, I know know know there are so many projects I would love to do if I would just turn off my computer for once (it's not like I'm lacking a hobby). I know there is so much ministry to-do's and admin that I need my computer, but I also know that I love being productive and love long afternoons of getting work done instead of "holy smokes, I just clicked and read things for three hours....embarrassing." I know I would sleep a lot more (sans calls from the bf) if I didn't stay up surfing sites and reading stuff.

For starters. For one day every week, I will turn off my laptop. This means from night time the day before to morning the day after, so I don't even touch my laptop for that full day. I've done this by choice twice in the past month and it means I don't try to multitask while babysitting (which is actually a pretty bad idea), cooking without a recipe (or postponing curry chicken for another night), and spending my 45 minute break at home.........breathing. Sitting on the couch, listening to the Giants game on the radio, flipping through recipe books, or sitting in silence. It's an active choice to fight against our social media world of Right Now: that email can wait a day, I don't actually need to know people's responses right away, I might be later on whatever the big "shared article" is for the week, I don't have to turn on youtube because I want to hear the song that's in my head this very moment.

I did this on a Sabbath a few weeks ago and it was delightful: the day before I had thought of ideas for that day and had looked up a few potential coffeeshops I wanted to try, but even if I hadn't, a map or a revisit to Old Soul would have sufficed. At the end of the day, I found myself in bed at 10 pm because I didn't feel like reading or writing and realized...hey, it's been a full day and nothing's keeping me from going to bed.

I left off my laptop again yesterday after talking with the best friend about my antsy unproductive weekend (see previous post). And yesterday, I had seven hours of babysitting and a student meeting on campus, which is essentially an 8 hour workday already. Choosing to keep my computer off was making a statement: I have worked enough for the day. I don't need to try to even to my little to-do's on the list because that can wait. I can rest after a full work day.

Choosing to unplug (at least from my laptop, which is the main culprit!) once a week is a good choice that I hope I will adopt indefinitely...practicing it for the rest of my life honestly doesn't sound like a horrible idea.

There is much more to be said about this topic, and we'll see if I get to writing them out. But in all honesty, I think I feel a bit of a relief in taking this first step to an annoying, embarrassing problem that I'm just tired of. I want to enjoy the resources of the internet and the usefulness of technology...but enough with it taking up too much of my life.

(I'm not even going to tell you how many other things I've read or looked up in the writing of this post. Sigh.)