Today

Today,  I breathe in relief, of plans gone not-quite-as-planned but way-better-than-what-could-have-been.
Today, I woke up thinking of release and trust, instead of the heavy disappointment of yesterday morning. And my reading plan said to read Psalm 22, but I read on to the confidence and comfort of the next chapter: He leads me besides quiet waters, he restores my soul.
Today, I am grateful for the relief I can hear in Darrell's voice, and I can be excited for him. I still can't believe that all Sacramento spots were taken by 59, I'm still sad that he won't be coming here. But I am happy that he got the second to last spot at home.
Today, I am not entirely satisfied, but my heart's desire is to be content...someday, someday. This could work. 

It doesn't mean I've stopped thinking, stopped asking. I still wish I knew: Was this God's Plan A all along (is it always?), or is it a Plan B that will be beautiful and redemptive, filled with goodness? But I guess either way, I can hope for glimpses of grace.

Today, I am even more aware that life does not go as planned. I joked with Darrell on the phone last night, that in reality--a majority of our life and the things that will hit us hardest are out of our control. So really, we're getting a reality check and have had so many doses of Unexpected, that maybe we're more ready for the real world (gross overstatement, I know). As I was saying this out loud, I also realized what a gift it is to have seen this over and over again in his life, and to witness now his character in said situations. Being real with anger and feelings of hopelessness, yet never giving up, always bouncing back, predictably steadfast in faith, ready to turn to God with hands up in desperation. Allowing for emotions and scenarios, and learning to care for each other amid what neither of us wanted.

Little gifts of grace--thank you.