Unfinished

It's been three days since I returned from the Intern Trek. I learned early from my staff leader and supervisor that any sort of conferences should be followed by a double Sabbath, two days off to rest physically, let your brain settle, and process spiritually from an intensive weekend. Whether working a student conference or attending one for staff, they're always packed with lessons, emotions, thoughts.

Well, it's been three days and I still feel unprocessed. Then I stop to think: What on earth makes me think that 10 days of hands-on ministry will be wrapped up nicely with a clean knot? I want another long afternoon in a coffee shop so I can settle all my thoughts and make notes of everything that happened. But the reality is that our life is a journey, a process, and what God starts doesn't always finish in our timeline. My thoughts from staffing this Trek will continue to churn and resurface over the next month, semester, year.

I remind myself that there isn't a concrete end goal of post-conference-retreating. No number of journal pages, no making sure I've thought in detail through each session and conversation. What does need to happen is rest, which sometimes means getting 12 hours of sleep in a day (cough-today-cough), getting a little in tune with my spirit in solitude again (where did my love of scripture get buried?), and settling back into life (laundry, shower, home cooked meals).

One of my small group members on the Trek talked about his need for closure in evangelism, multiethnicity, and some of the open-ended ministry things. I feel it now: wanting to make sure all my thoughts are sorted and collected. But four more days of open schedules, naps, and words are not what I need. Instead, I take the invitation to continue a process - to brainstorm integrating lessons into the next year of ministry, to hear God speaking as I reenter into normal rhythms, to trust that the work He started will continue.

One day, I may look back and realize that some of these things have wrapped up nicely, that a chapter has been closed. But that one day does not have to be today...or next week, at the matter.