On Facebook (or rather, off it)

Birthdays have become a bigger deal for me these past few years, a built-in time to look back on the year past and think about what I want the next year to be. Last month, I decided that I finally wanted to address my facebook addiction: I often turned on my laptop and signed on while I was brushing my teeth, I would automatically pop open a window and open up facebook in between my work, I would lose whole hours at a time just endlessly and mindlessly scrolling and clicking through. And I cared about it more than I wanted to admit: I didn't want to be someone who posted all the time, but I also wanted every post of mine to be extremely well-crafted. Humorous or thoughtful, whatever. I thought in facebook statuses more than I like to admit.

My first couple days of this "off of facebook" time were eye-opening, to say the least. I took off the shortcut from my bookmarks bar and turned on Chrome Nanny to block the site. I quickly realized how embarrassingly automatic it was to be on facebook. I found my cursor searching for the icon that was no longer there, I hit a quick sequence of "Ctrl + T" (new tab), "f" (to make facebook.com pop up in the bar), down arrow, enter. No wonder I lost so much time: I opened facebook so often without even thinking about it. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough self control to block in completely. So even though my usage dropped, I still "cheated" and signed on with a firefox browser for that first weekend. Then I told Darrell I was horrible at it and that he should change my password, so he did.

Here are some of the things I'm learning from my time off facebook:

• Sometimes, vegging is necessary. I might not be on facebook, but I've watched more WongFu videos and even partial episodes of Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Fallon. Sometimes, your brain really is tired and needs to not think. 
• If you want to be distracted, you will find ways. Last Sunday, I was trying to find something to do with my evening, so I re-discovered Escape Room games. The following Monday, I was highly unmotivated and so found more escape rooms to play. A few days later, I actually looked up a version of Angry Birds...I just really wanted something to "do". I imagine this is where some simple games could come in handy, or any other hobbies, I suppose (though hobbies are kinda in a different category than pure distraction).  
• When I need a break from work, there are sometimes great ways to do it. Sometimes I am too tired for work but just in the mood to do the dishes or clean my closet. Sometimes I need a break from work, but the perfect break is reading. Unfortunately, I don't actually know what I want to read. Aka, don't have books-on-hand, forget what blogs I'm interested in because I don't see any social shares, or...
• I have no idea how to read the news. I fully admit that all the news I got was via facebook, whether someone posted about an event and I looked it up, or I straight up clicked so many links/posts/blogs and read from there. When I decided I wanted to read the news, I didn't know where to start. I still don't. Currently I'm bouncing between Google News (which seems like a random aggregation of whatever is important enough...), Sac Bee (local is always a good idea right), and BBC (someone told me that's reliable enough). 
• But that's news-news. What about other news? Fun tech updates, the most viral youtube thing at the moment, or even a plagiarism scandal in the Christian world? Nope. In fact, I only heard of the last item because I signed on twitter and saw a tweet. If I'm going to continue to limit my facebook use, I need to find other ways to keep updated. But most importantly, I need to stop reading only what everyone else is reading. Even though my diversity of friends lends some options to things, and even if these other sources get me to the same place anyway. 
• Ideas: Gizmodo (tech), Angry Asian Man (AAM news), Christianity Today, NPR...aside from personal blogs
• Regarding the first three bullet points: being off facebook is helping me recognize the difference between all of them. With facebook, it was always the default (to the point of being distracted when I had good intentions of working). Now, I have a better feel for where I'm at: if it's a watch-a-show type of break, if I feel like reading content and news, or if I want to get up and away from my computer. I think a lot less about it. 
• It's nice not to care. Okay confession: I do like to see how many people like my statuses, shares, photos. But for this month, it's nice to not even think about it! Not to think about if you will share a link or not, how you want to word a clever status, or if it's too soon to post another photo.
• On the flip side, I am probably missing out. I knew in theory social media and the internet is the majority of our interactions. Full conversations and interactions take place on a thread. Your response in comments or likes combine for a presence...that won't replace your actual being, sure, but still let's people know you are there. Facebook is where funny stories and memories get posted through statuses, photos, references, and links. And when you're not on it, it's a little bit like being left out of the crowd. 
• facebook is super self-centered. This is a "duh", but it is even more obvious when I'm away from it! Everything you post is about you, or something you care about. 
• A lot of communication does happen on it. I met a friend's dad at church on Sunday, and he quickly messaged me later that day (easy to find a facebook account, harder to find an email). I have a couple old acquaintances I was considering contacting, but I don't have an email or a number. And while we lament the superficial-ness of facebook, it is really helpful that have such an ultra-casual interaction over a shared link or photo! Many of those make it less awkward to call them up later and actually for real hang out. 

I also know a lot less about people's lives, can't stalk what's happening with my friends in other states, don't know the weather on the East Coast (sometimes I hear about it when people post about snow!), and have no idea if there are any good picture of me posted from the Frisbee tournament last weekend. Oh yes, that's another thing: my joys, laughter, and sadness only gets shared to the people who are close enough (physically or relationally). I tend not to post a whole lot, but here are some things that could have made it:

• Kai and me danced enough to get on the jumbotron at the Thunder game (I almost-definitely-would have posted about this!)
• D had his car accident and survived. I am so grateful. 
• I ate a lot of Malaysian food over Thanksgiving break (there would have been pictures). The family, including my new brother-in-law, also was together for the first time since the wedding (also would have been photos)
• I had the best week on campus ever after being there four days in a row
• God is opening incredible doors in raising support for ministry

Well, facebook, you do manage to turn yourself into a good memory-keeper, as long as you can find it in the mess of everything else that gets shared. On the flip side, much happened in my community (our church lost a beloved member and leader) and world (e.g., Mandela's passing), and I have no idea what people are sharing or saying. 

Also, this has been an incredibly long post. But the thoughts have been brewing for the past week or so, and it just seemed like a good night to get it all out--the not-vegging but not-working type of night, you know? Bottom line is, I was way more addicted to facebook than I realized, and signing off of it has been a most wonderful idea. It will be nice to be back on in 10 days, but I think I'll have a better idea on how not to end up as addicted. And I will keep reading the news.